Saturday, November 20, 2010

Good News: The Nigerian Scam/Canadian Lottery People Have Got Jobs Now

If you are like 99% of the online community you will, at one time or another, have got a poorly worded email from somebody half a world away from where you live telling you that you can easily make a cool $50 million just by following some simple directions as explained in the email in the same poorly worded fashion.  I don't get a ton of these, but when I do I always feel compelled to hit the reply button and respond in some snarky way.  For some reason I never hear from these people again.

About a week ago, I got a new clock.  The directions included with the clock were clearly written by the same people responsible for these emails.  For your enjoyment, I have include those directions, verbatim, here:

1. How to Using?
1. Turn off two accessory first.  (For the uninitiated, this means unscrew the clock from the cardboard box the clock came in)
2. Take the clock out.
3. Turn the setting knob on the movement to set the clock to the correct time.
4. Put 1*1.5V AA in.  Then the clock will be working normally.
5. Remove the battery before storing the clock.
6. Worn out batteries can damage your clock.  Replace batteries worn or damaged batteries.

2. How to Hanging?
1. Hang the clock by using toggle bolt or strong nail planted in a firm, solid wall.  You can see the hole on the back of the clock.
2. Find a truly vertical position for the clock on your wall.  (As opposed to hanging it on the horizontal wall above your bed, for instance.  On second thought, this might be a good idea.  No more turning your head in the morning to look at the alarm clock when it goes off to see what time it is).

3. How to Cleaning?
1. Carefully wipe the unit with a soft, damp, cloth please.  Be very cautious near the motor and heating elements.  (Heating element?  It's a clock.  Why is it heating up?)
2. Do not immerse in water.
3. Never use gasoline, benzene, or thinner.  This will damage the surface of the clock.  (Damn.  I ALWAYS use gasoline and benzene for my everyday household cleaning chores).
4. After cleaning, be sure to completely dry the unit with a cloth or towel.

I haven't hung the clock on a truly vertical surface yet.  But I plan to.  Very soon.

2 comments:

the interrogator said...

Where, in heavens name, did you purchase that clock? Not that it matters, but HOLY CRAP!!! I don't think I've ever seen anything remotely close to that!!!!

Erika Clark said...

Hilarious! I love #2 How to hanging. It gives a whole new vibe to the guy greeting phrase.